Deathbat for Life (Tattoo #7)

Hello :)

Let's skip the intro today and get right into the post.  So, you know how I'm obsessed with Avenged Sevenfold?  And addicted to tattoos?  Well, this is what happens when those two things are combined: 

Yep, I finally got my Deathbat!!  I literally could not be happier with the way this turned out- Jimmy never disappoints!  Everything about this is perfect (to me); it's exactly what I wanted.  I thought about getting it in color, but since I couldn't decide on one, I stuck with black and gray- and I'm so glad I did.

Technically, this version of the Deathbat isn't on any of the album covers, but it's similar (almost identical) to the one Zacky Vengeance has on his chest.  I liked this version more than the original just because it was different from the other Deathbat tattoos I see all over Google/ Pinterest/ Tumblr (not that there's anything wrong with the original Deathbat!).  I don't think you can really see in the picture, but there are little nails holding the wings down; that's one of the reason I loved this version so much.  I also like the wings on this Deathbat more than the original.  Either way, I'm so glad I finally got this done!!

I wasn't planning on getting this tattoo until after the semester was over (it was supposed to be a reward for finishing the semester with a 4.0), but I went into the shop because they were looking for a front counter girl.  The job ended up being full-time and it didn't work with my class schedule for next semester. I made a really impulsive decision to schedule an appoint for the next day with Jimmy to get the Deathbat on my back. I've been wanting this tattoo since August, so I guess it wasn't that impulsive/ crazy. 

I got this one done on Saturday.  It took almost 5 hours, and it was definitely the most intense tattoo I've gotten (both pain-wise and time-wise).  The outline wasn't bad at all; I think it took about an hour.  The shading took almost 4 hours.  Honestly, there was never a point when I couldn't feel the needle, but some spots were more sensitive than others.  The skull was by far the most painful, probably because of the crazy amount of shading around the jawline and the eyes. The pain wasn't unbearable at any point, and we did take breaks every hour or so (thank god!). I'm convinced that I have a really high pain tolerance; or maybe I'm just able to focus on other things besides the pain? Who knows. I'm not going to lie and say tattoos don't hurt. They do. It's just a different kind of pain. I don't know how to explain it... If you have tattoos, you definitely know what I'm talking about. 

I'm pretty sure I've said this in one of my other tattoo-related posts, but the aftercare is the hardest part about getting a tattoo.  Since this one is so big, it takes a ton of Tattoo Goo/ Aquaphor to cover the whole thing.  It's totally worth it in the end, but the healing process is seriously not fun.  I usually use Tattoo Goo in the morning and throughout the day, and Aquaphor at night after taking a shower, just because the Aquaphor is pretty thick (it sticks to clothes, so I hate having it on during the day).  

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Anyways, enough rambling!  Thank you for reading about my tattoo adventures :)  I'll talk to you again very soon. 

Keri <3

Black Friday Haul

Hi!!

There were a number of reasons why I didn't go to the mall this Black Friday. The main reason being I was petsitting for a couple with 18 dogs (yep, 18!). Even though I wasn't able to make it to the stores, I still wanted to take advantage of the awesome deals. Thank goodness for online shopping!!

I managed to get some stuff I've been lusting over for awhile now for pretty cheap. I'm definitely not one to turn down a deal- especially when it comes to buying books, soap, and candles!

After a stressful week of class, I was so happy to come home to this wonderful sight: 

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Barnes & Noble

Original price: $26.99

Online price: $20.04

I paid: $20.04 

I've been wanting to buy Death Punch'd for a few months, but I was waiting until I had a decent coupon since it's a bit expensive. As soon as I got the email for 25% off one item I knew I needed to order this book. 

I just finished this today; I'm pretty sure it's my new favorite book. Jeremy has a really dark sense of humor, but I love it. He's open and honest about his past and his faults which makes him so relatable, despite his rockstar status. His writing is incredible, and I absolutely adore him as a person (even though he was a complete man whore in the past). If you love 5FDP or anything dealing with metal music and rockstars, definitely check this book out. 

Original price: $50

Online price: $27.78

I paid: $17.50 (30% off coupon)

As you probably already know, I'm a huge Game of Thrones/ A Song of Ice and Fire fan. This book has been sold out at my local B&N since it was released (which is weird for Arkansas). I'm so glad I was finally able to get my hands on a copy!! I haven't looked through this one yet, but as soon as classes end, I'm planning on reading it cover to cover. 

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Bath & Body Works

Shower gel: $12.50 (free)

Body spray: $14.00

Body scrub: $16.50

Body cream: $12.50 (free)

Body lotion: $12.50 (free)

Candle: $22

VIP bag: $20 (worth $100)

Bath & Body works was having a buy 3 get 3 free sale on everything in the store. Obviously, you have to pay for the 3 most expensive items, but I still ended up getting a good deal on what I bought. 

The "Wild Madagascar Vanilla" is one of my new favorite scents (thank goodness it's a signature scent!). I'm horrible at describing things... It's sweet but not overbearing by any means. I really like it, so I decided to buy the lotion, shower gel, and body spray. 

I meant to buy the "A Thousand Wishes" shower gel since the VIP bag included the lotion and the body spray, but I accidentally ordered the lotion instead. Oh well, I'm not too upset. I'll use it sooner or later. 

I also bought another "Champagne Toast" candle because I burned through my first one in about a week. It's definitely my favorite candle for the holidays. 

The VIP bag this year was $20, but was worth over $100. I'm not a huge fan of wearing the "Winter Cranberry" scent, but I think I'll like it as a soap. I love the "A Thousand Wishes" and the "Forever Red" scents!! Also, the "Holiday Wish" candle is amazing! It smells like apples and holiday spices; I haven't burned it yet, but I think the scent throw will be pretty awesome (like most B&BW candles I've tried). 

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Fall Out Boy Webstore

Technically, I placed my FOB order on December 10th when they released their holiday merch, but, I decided to include what I bought in this post just because. Nothing was on sale, so that was a bit disappointing, but I did buy two things.  

Original price: $19.99

Oh my goodness, I'm so glad I was able to order this beanie! They only made 500 and I somehow managed to get my hands on one before they completely sold out. I'm not sure when the package is supposed to get here, but hopefully it'll show up soon :)

Original price: $10.00

I recently read Pete Wentz's novel, Gray, and loved it. I figured I would order this book while I was already on the site since I can't find it in my local B&N. I'm pretty sure this book has been out for years, but whatever. I'm excited to read it. 

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Thank you for reading!! Hope you scored some awesome Black Friday deals too :)

PS: I may or may not have gotten another tattoo over the weekend. Check back soon for an update on that!

Keri <3

A to Z Bookish Survey- Round 2

Hi :)

So about a year ago I found the A to Z Bookish Survey on tumblr.  I don't know why, but I decided I wanted to answer the questions again and see how my answers have changed over the past year.  If you interested, here's a link to the first time I took this survey.  Some of my answers will probably end up being the same, but whatever.  I'm bored and need to take a little break from the project I'm working on for class.

A. Author you've read the most books from: Either JK Rowling (if you're counting number of actual books) or George R. R. Martin (if you're counting number of pages)

B. Best sequel ever: This is a tough one!  I think Insurgent by Veronica Roth is probably my favorite sequel of all time.  I really like the way she writes, and there were some pretty unexpected plot twists thrown in that completely threw me.

C. Currently reading: I'm reading The Summer of the Swans by Betsy Byars for a class project, but I'm also reading Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban by JK Rowling for pleasure.

D. Drink of choice while reading: Mocha frappechinos from Starbucks.  Or water.

E. E-reader or physical book: I have a nook, but I always find myself reaching for physical books.  I love being surrounded by books, so I probably won't ever completely switch over to an e-reader.  Even when I travel, I still bring physical books with me (they weigh down my carry-on, but it's totally worth it).

F. Fictional character you probably would have dated in high school: Gale from the Hunger Games series or Four from the Divergent series.

G. Glad you gave this book a chance: My Sister's Keeper by Jodi Picoult.  I normally don't read Jodi Picoult's work (she's a wonderful author, I just don't have a ton of interest in what she writes about), but I ended up really enjoying this book.

H. Hidden gem book: The Way I See It by Temple Grandin is so eye-opening and absolutely amazing!  I had to read it for a special education class, but I definitely recommend it to anyone who works with special needs children or has a friend or family member with special needs.  Or, if you're just interested in learning about ASD, check this book out.

I. Important moment in your reading life: I'm pretty sure this is my same answer from last time I filled out this survey, but Goodreads has a had a huge impact on my reading life!  I love that it recommends books based on things you've already read, and it keeps everything nice and organized.  You can also set a reading goal for the year, and it keeps track of your progress; I've found that I've read a lot more thanks to the reading challenge feature.

J. Just finished: Esperanza Rising by Pam Munoz Ryan (I read it for my project, but I like it; it's perfect for 4th or 5th graders)

K. Kind of books you won't read: I'll give most books a chance, but I just can't bring myself to read romance novels.  They're just not my thing.

L. Longest book you've read: A Dance with Dragons by George R. R. Martin

M. Major book hangover because of: After I finished The Hobbit by J. R. R. Tolkien, I don't think I read another book for a good week or so.  I was an emotional wreck. 

N. Number of bookcases you own: 2, but I'm definitely buying another as soon as I move into a bigger apartment.

O. One book you have read multiple times: The Harry Potter series.  I'm pretty sure I end up reading at least one of the books each year around the holidays (when school's out).

P. Preferred place to read: I have an over-sized white leather chair that used to belong to my grandpa; it is literally the most comfortable chair ever!  I can curl up with a blanket and read for hours.

Q. Quote that inspires you/ gives you all the feels from a book you've read: I'm gonna be super cliche here for a minute: "Always."  And "Never forget what you are, for surely the world will not." (Tyrion Lannister from A Game of Thrones).  I really, really, really want a tattoo of the Tyrion quote.

R. Reading regret: I know I've said this before, but I kind of regret reading the Twilight series.  I'm glad I read the whole series, simply because I can form my own (informed) opinion about the series, but I really don't like anything about the books.

S. Series you started and need to finish (all the books are out in the series): The House of Night series.  They're not my favorite books, but I feel like I need to finish the series.

T. Three of your all-time favorite books: Slaughterhouse- Five by Kurt Vonnegut, A Feast of Crows by George R. R. Martin, and Angels and Demons by Dan Brown (in no particular order) 

U. Unapologetic fangirl for: .A Song of Ice and Fire series.  I can (and will) fangirl about the book and TV series all day long.  Sorry I'm not even the least bit sorry.

PS: if you want to see how out of control my GoT obsession is, check out this post.

V. Very excited for this release more than all others: Death Punch'd by Jeremy Spencer (the drummer from 5 Finger Death Punch).  Technically, it was released awhile ago, but I just ordered the book yesterday because I had a coupon for Black Friday.  I love 5FDP, so I'm really excited to read his story (especially since he's a recovering addict).  Autobiographies are my thing- I wish all my favorite band members would write a book about their lives.  I guess I'm kind of a stalker when it comes to my favorite bands.

W. Worst bookish habit: I like to read in the bath, but I'm really clumsy.  My bad luck + books + water = not good...  I haven't dropped a book in the water for awhile now, but I'm sure it'll happen again sooner or later.

X. X marks the spot: start at the top of your shelf and pick the 27th book: I'm not at my apartment right now, but the 27th book on my Goodreads shelf is King Lear by Shakespeare.

Y. Your latest book purchase: A World of Ice and Fire by George R. R. Martin and Death Punch'd by Jeremy Spencer (I bought them both since they were on sale for Black Friday).

Z. Zzz-snatcher book (last book that kept you up WAY late): Chrono Crusade Vol. 4 by Daisuke Moriyama.  It's a graphic novel, and I've read it before, but I can't seem to put it down!  If you're in to manga, you should definitely check this series out.


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Thanks for putting up with my craziness :)  I love you all!
Happy holidays (it's a little early, but whatever)!

Keri <3

Vengeance Will Be Taken Sevenfold (Tattoo #6)

Hey there!!

If you've been following me for the past few months or so, you'll know that I have a serious obsession with tattoos. I got my first one last May, and now I'm up to #6. Don't worry, this will be the last one for a while (I think). A lot of my friends/ family think I'm absolutely insane for getting these tattoos in such a short amount of time. 

Yes, I did get all of them done one right after another. No, I don't regret any of them. 

All of my tattoos have some sort of meaning to me; I think that's all that really matters. I have gotten some strange looks/ responses to some of them (my 30stm glyphs, especially), but it doesn't bother me. It's kind of cool when people are genuinely interested in them. I take it as a compliment :) 

Also, quick fun fact: all of my tattoos are band or music related. If you haven't checked out my other tattoo posts, I'll link them below for ya!

"I fell apart, but got back up again"

Glyphs (30STM)

Triad and bass clef

"Take This to Your Grave"

Ok, on to the tattoo!!

I took this picture the day after I got it done (sorry about the redness...). 

Ok, so this one doesn't have too long of a story behind it. I absolutely love Avenged Sevenfold, so naturally, I thought I needed an a7x-related tattoo. I can't remember what video I was watching, but Matt was talking about how the band got its name. It comes from the verse "Vengeance will be taken on him sevenfold" (Gensis 4?). Instead of getting the entire quote, I liked the idea of just getting the word "vengeance." Plus, Zacky Vengeance is my favorite, so it all works out. 

Quick side note- I adore all the guys in the band, I just couldn't see getting a tattoo that says Shadows, Gates, or Christ, ya know (lol). 

As always, Jimmy did an amazing job, and I couldn't be happier!! I love the placement of this one- it's on my left shoulder/ collar bone area. I originally wanted it to be a bit bigger, but my tattoo artist scaled it down (and I'm so glad he did!). It's easy enough to cover up for my classroom observations, but I can show it off with an off-the-shoulder shirt. I can't remember the name of the font... I do know it's on the first page of the calligraphy section on dafont.com, though. 

This one only took about 15 minutes, but the feeling (I can't really call it pain) was more intense than any of my other pieces. Probably because it's over a bone and the skin on your collar bone is pretty thin. 

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Well, that's pretty much it for now. Thanks so much for reading/ keeping up with my craziness ;)

I'll talk to you all again soon!

Keri <3

PS- I'm going to Florida this weekend for Fall Break (god knows I need a vacation from all this course work)! Check back soon for a Harry Potter/ Universal/ Orlando adventures blog :)

Tattoo Addict (Tattoo #5)

Hello!!

I've mentioned this in a few previous posts, but I'll say it again: I am addicted to tattoos. I can't explain exactly what it is that I'm addicted to (the pain/ rush from getting them, or the actual tattoos themselves? Both? Idk), but I'm definitely addicted. 

I've had this idea in my head for awhile now that I wanted to get a tattoo inspired by Fall Out Boy's album "Take this to Your Grave." Quick backstory: I listened to TTTYG for about 3 months straight while I was dealing with my depression/ suicidal thoughts. Obviously, Fall Out Boy will always hold a special place in my heart because their music got me through a really rough time in my life. I truly believe that they saved my life (I know a lot of people say that, but it's definitely a real thing). I needed something inspired by their album as a sort of "thank you"/ tribute to the band, and as a reminder to myself that their music got me through some rough times. Even though it's a daily struggle (another cliche... sorry), I think I've become a better person because of the things I went through. 

Anyway, back to the point. I found a design online (three skulls surrounded by roses), but turns out it's a really common flash design. So, my amazing tattoo artist, Jimmy, came up with a 100% custom tattoo. I was completely speechless when I saw it; he has got to he one of the best artists I know! I pretty much gave him total freedom with this tattoo. I trust him completely, which is saying a lot since I don't even trust people to wax my eyebrows! The only thing I absolutely needed to have was a banner with "Take this to Your Grave" written on it, and blue roses. Jimmy came up with the rest. 

Here's how it turned out (my skin is still a bit red since I got it done last Saturday): 

I still can't believe this beautiful piece is on my arm!! Honestly, I couldn't be happier with the way it turned out- it's beyond perfect. I told Jimmy I need to cut off the sleeves on all my t-shirts so everyone can see my tattoo haha! 

Tattoos aren't all fun and games, though. This one will probably take 3 weeks to heal, and I have to be extremely careful about washing it/ keeping it moisturized. I definitely want the colors to stay as bright as possible. Which means no sun for awhile, and tons of sunscreen later on. My arm is still a little sore, especially near the top of my shoulder. Getting the tattoo wasn't nearly as painful as I thought it would be; it only hurt once we started again after taking a break. I think I've said it before, but the only sensation I felt (for the most part) was similar to burning cat scratches. The outline was pretty intense, but the shading was a breeze after that. 

This bad boy took about 4 1/2 hours total. Nothing too crazy, but it's the longest I've ever sat for a tattoo. It was definitely worth the time and pain. 

It's crazy to me that I have a custom tattoo. I love knowing that no one else has anything exactly like this. I can't thank Jimmy enough for his awesome skills and the time he put into this piece.

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Thank you for taking the time to read about my lastest tattoo :) Love you all, and I'll talk to you again soon!

Keri<3

30 Day Music Challenge

Hey everybody :)

I know I say this a lot, but I'm sorry I haven't been posting as often as I probably should. I started my senior year of college this week (yikes!) and it seems like I'm going to have a pretty busy year. Regardless, I figured I should post something before the real work begins! 

Before we get started here's a random fact: I sing a lot for someone who can't sing. I'm so incredibly jealous of people who have decent singing voices- I only sing in the car with the volume turned up so I can't hear my own (terrible) voice. 

Anyway, I found this picture somewhere on the internet (probably on tumblr, but I'm not 100% sure...)-

I thought it would be a cool challenge to do. I don't think I've ever really talked about the types of music I like, so this is a good way for you guys to get to know my (really strange) music taste. Instead of making 30 different posts, I'll just add on to this one each day. Sound like a plan? Ok, let's get started!

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Day 1, 8/27: Your favorite song

Oh man, I guess we're starting off with the tough questions! It's hard to pick just one, but my favorite song at the moment has to be "Scream" by Avenged Sevenfold. I have a slight obsession with A7X (and when I say "slight" I mean "more than slight" and "out of control"). 

Day 2, 8/28: Your least favorite song

I cannot stand the song "Happy" by Pharrell Williams. Every time I hear it, I cringe. 

Day 3, 8/29: A song that makes you happy

"I Want You Back" by Jackson 5. If you saw Guardians of the Galaxy, you'll know why this song makes me happy. Three words: dancing Baby Groot <3

Day 4, 8/30: A song that makes you sad

"What a Catch, Donnie" by Fall Out Boy. I absolutely love this song, but it makes me cry every time I hear it. The lyrics + Patrick's voice = perfection. 

Day 5, 8/31: A song that reminds you of someone 

"Attack" by Thirty Seconds to Mars reminds me of my brother. Not because of the lyrics or anything- it's his favorite MARS song, so every time it hear it, I think of Drew. 

Day 6, 9/1: A song that reminds you of somewhere 

Whenever I hear "Welcome to the Universe" by Thirty Seconds to Mars, I think of the tattoo shop I go to. It was the first song that popped up on my iPhone when I was getting my first tattoo. 

Day 7, 9/2: A song that reminds you of a certain event

"Eleanor Rigby" by The Beatles reminds me of the "Love" Cirque du Soleil show in Vegas. I saw it this past June when Mom and I visited my aunt and uncle. If you ever get the chance to see "Love," you should definitely go! It was absolutely amazing!!

Day 8, 9/3: A song that you know all the words to

"A Little Piece of Heaven" by Avenged Sevenfold. It's kind of a creepy song (ok, it's super creepy) but I love it, and I know every single word. It may or may not be a song about murder. And sex. And sex after murder. Don't judge me. 

Day 9, 9/4: A song that you can dance to

I just recently added "Counting Stars" by OneRepublic to my favorites playlist on Spotify because it's something I can dance to if I'm having a rough day. I can't dance, but whatever. I try. 

Day 10, 9/5: A song that you can fall asleep to

"Lullaby" by Daughtry. It's so beautiful and sweet (he wrote it when his wife was pregnant with their second kid). 

Day 11, 9/6: A song from your favorite band 

I'm gonna cheat a little bit on this question. I cannot pick a favorite band, so I picked a song from three different bands (sorry...)

"The Patron Saint of Liars and Fakes" by Fall Out Boy

"Buddah for Mary" by Thirty Seconds to Mars

"Trashed and Scattered" by Avenged Sevenfold 

Day 12, 9/7: A song from a band you hate

"Chainsaw" by The Band Perry. I'm trying to be more open about bands and listen to different genres, but I just can't stand country music. Hate is too strong of a word, though. 

Day 13, 9/8: A song that is a guilty pleasure 

"Welcome to My Life" by Simple Plan. Not much to say about this one. I really like the song, even though they're not the best band in the world. 

Day 14, 9/9: A song that no one would expect you to love

"Closer" by Nine Inch Nails. I just had this conversation with my tattoo artist over the weekend; he said he would have never expected me to like NIN, much less know the song "Closer." I get that a lot. I guess I don't really seem like someone who would listen to the types of music I listen to. 

Day 15, 9/10: A song that describes you

This is a tough one! I'm not really sure what song describes me... Ok, I'll go with "I Don't Care" by Fall Out Boy, just because I really don't care what people think of me. 

Day 16, 9/11: A song that you used to love but now hate

Ok, when Frozen first came out in theaters, I thought it was a pretty cute movie. I used to like "Let It Go" by Idina Menzel, but now I can't stand it! They play it everywhere (including Walmart) and I'm so sick of hearing it. Sorry, Frozen fans... 

Day 17, 9/12: A song that you hear often on the radio

I don't really listen to the radio at all anymore since I got Spotify, but whenever I'm in the car with my mom, "Maps" by Maroon 5 always seems to play. It's actually a pretty good song, so I don't mind hearing it often :)

Day 18, 9/13: A song that you wish you heard on the radio

Like I said before, I don't really listen to the radio, so they may actually play this song on one of our stations. Anyway, I wish they played "Centuries" by Fall Out Boy!!

Day 19, 9/14: A song from your favorite album

"Waking the Fallen" is definitely one of my all-time favorite albums. I've been listening to "Clairvoyant Disease" a lot recently. 

PS- if you're an a7x fan, you should check out "Waking the Fallen: Resurrected," if you haven't already. The demos are amazing (especially the "Chapter Four" demo). 

Day 20, 9/15: A song that you listen to when you're angry

"Fallen" by Thirty Seconds to Mars. I'm not really sure why, but this is usually the first song I play when I'm angry.

Day 21, 9/16: A song that you listen to when you're happy

I think "Do or Die" by Thirty Seconds to Mars has been my go-to song when I'm happy :)

Day 22, 9/17: A song that you listen to when you're sad

"Young Volcanoes" by Fall Out Boy always puts me in a good mood, so I'll usually listen to it when I'm feeling sad.

Day 23, 9/18: A song you want to play at your wedding

I've already decided that I want my first dance to be to "Warmness on the Soul" by Avenged Sevefold. Unless you know the song, you probably think I'm insane. The piano part is absolutely beautiful (Syn Gates is amazing!), and the lyrics are perfect. Also, M Shadows's voice makes me melt <3

Day 24, 9/19: A song you want to play at your funeral 

I can honestly say that I've never thought about what song I want to play at my funeral. Maybe "Convergence" by Thirty Seconds to Mars? I don't know. 

Day 25, 9/20: A song that makes you laugh

"I'm Gonna Be (500 Miles)" by The Proclaimers is seriously one of the best songs! I love it :)

Day 26, 9/21: A song that you can play on an instrument

I just recently learned "Fiction" by Avenged Sevenfold on the piano. It's one of those songs that sounds super complicated, but once you practice it a bit, it's not so bad. 

Day 27, 9/22: A song that you wish you could play

I've always wanted to learn to play the guitar, mainly because I want to be able to play "Bat Country" by Avenged Sevenfold. Zacky's rhythm is so tight, and Syn's solo is killer!! 

Day 28, 9/23: A song that makes you feel guilty

I'm not really sure what song makes me feel guilty... This is a tough one! "You're Crashing, but You're No Wave" by Fall Out Boy talks about being guilty, so we'll go with that song. 

Day 29, 9/24: A song from your childhood

One year at Girl Scout camp, we did a whole dance routine to the song "I'm Blue" by Eiffel 65.  That's one of my favorite memories from my childhood :)

Day 30, 9/25: Your favorite song from this time last year

I'm not 100% positive what my favorite song was last year, but I know for a fact it was a Fall Out Boy song. I'm pretty sure it was "Get Busy Living or Get Busy Dying (Do Your Part to Save the Scene and Stop Coming to These Shows)" by Fall Out Boy. 

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Thank you so much for reading! Check back soon for more awesomeness :)

Keri <3

Depression, Suicide, and Recovery

Hi everyone.

As you can tell from the title, today's topic is much more serious than most of my posts. In light of recent events, I feel like I'm ready to reflect on my experiences with depression and suicidal thoughts. Words cannot describe how tragic these types of situations can be- I wouldn't wish it on anyone. No one deserves to feel so hopeless and alone. 

I read an article today entitled "There's Nothing Selfish About Suicide" by Katie Hurley of the Huffington Post. That article, along with the news of Robin Williams' passing pushed me to write this post. This is going to be a long one. 

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I am a survivor of depression and suicidal thoughts. Although I never attempted to take my life, I did contemplate the possibility of leaving this world. I was in such a dark place and I felt like no one would understand what I was going through. On top of that, I thought talking about what I was going through would be a burden on my family. My mom struggles with anxiety and depression- the last thing I wanted to do was make things worse for her. 

I kept everything bottled up inside. I stopped going out. I refused to communicate with some of my closest friends. I had issues controlling my anger. I lost interest in everything I loved (music, especially). I self-harmed multiple times. I thought about taking my life just to end all the pain. Looking back on it now, I didn't know these kinda of thoughts/ feelings weren't normal. I thought everyone experienced something similar to what I was going through. I carried on with my life (what was left of my life) and struggled silently day after day. 

My depression hit rock bottom in May 2013. Still to this day, I'm not sure why it was so bad at this time. I had so many things to be happy about- we had a huge family reunion in Disney World that month, my brother just graduated from high school, and I was going into my junior year of college with a 4.0 GPA. So why wasn't I happy? I knew my family loved me, but for some reason my brain made me feel differently. I felt like no one cared; no one saw the cuts on my wrists, no one noticed that I was locking myself in my room for most of the day. Looking back, I realize that I hid everything from my family. Of course they didn't notice anything different- I was acting like myself, for the most part. 

A few months later (around September, I think), I got into a fight with my mom. Nothing physical, just sending angry emails back and forth. I couldn't tell you what we were fighting about. All I remember is writing is something along the lines of "I've been dealing with depression and sucidal thoughts and no one seems to care." Mom and Dad decided that it would be best for me to live at home for the rest of the semester and seek professional help. I agreed to live at home but refused to talk to anyone. Eventually, I gave up and went to my university's counseling center. In the initial assessment and therapy session, Kathrine (who is now my group therapist) told me I was experiencing pretty severe depression, anxiety, and passive suicidal thoughts. We discussed several options, including group therapy or private sessions through the school or another office. I decided to start group therapy that March. 

Through group therapy, I was able to talk about my feelings and emotions without fear of judgement. More importantly, I realized that I wasn't alone. The majority of the girls in my group also dealt with some form of depression or anxiety. Although I don't talk to any of the members outside of group meetings, I feel a strong connection to each and every one of them. 

This is a bit of a tangent, but I feel like it's worth mentioning. I know this sounds cliche, but music literally saved my life. After a few months of self-harm, I realized  that it wasn't helping anything; cutting only made me feel guilty and ashamed. Whenever I got to the point where I wanted to hurt myself, I put my headphones on and blasted Fall Out Boy until I felt better. Sometimes I cried, sometimes I just sat still for hours until my desire to cut faded. The feeling never actually went away- it was always in the back of my mind- but music helped me overcome it. To this day, I truly feel that Fall Out Boy's music saved me life (I know, I'm getting super cheesy, but I'm just telling it like it is).  

Recovery is an ongoing process that may never actually end. I understand this, and I am ok with it. It's been 1 year and 3 months since I self-harmed or contemplated suicide. Regardless, it's still a difficult subject for me to talk about. I'm getting to be more open about it, though. Group therapy taught me that it's ok to trust and open up to people. I feel comfortable telling my mom anything, especially since I know she will always be there for me and will love me even when I don't love myself. Recently, I've talked to my aunt, who had a similar experience to my own. 

I'm not to the point where I can talk about this to people outside of my family, but through this blog I hope to get there soon. This is the first time I've written everything done, and it feels incredibly liberating. I'll admit, I'm still not 100% comfortable with posting this, but I feel like I need to get it out there. 

If someone you know is dealing with depression or suicidal thoughts, remember: communication can be life-saving. I know it's hard. It's taken me over a year of recovery to be able to talk about everything I've been through. Don't push to hard, but make sure the person knows you care about them. In my case, I just wanted someone to talk to me, but I didn't want to initiate the conversation. 

If you're dealing with these thoughts and feelings, remember that you're not alone. Find an outlet for your frustration and anger. Listen to music, play an instrument, color, do a puzzle- do something positive to lift your spirits. It may be extremely difficult, but try to seek professional help. It really does make a world of difference to be able to talk about your feelings in a safe, nonjudgmental place. Also, I'm always here if you need or want to talk. I'm obviously not a professional, but I can try my best to help you through this tough time. 

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Here are two of my favorite quotes from two of my favorite people: 

"Put one foot in front of the other. Keep marching forward even when doubt, fear, and failure all come knocking at your door." Jared Leto

"When you have a bad day- a really bad day- try to treat the world better than it treated you." Patrick Stump

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I love you for making it all the way to the end of this massive post! Thank you for reading, and I hope to talk to all of you again soon.

I love each and every one of you!

Keri <3

Tattoos #3 and #4

Hey guys!!

Hi, my name is Keri, and I am addicted to getting tattoos. 

I have a super short post for you today- I just wanted to show you all my new tattoos :) I went back to Jimmy Romance and got these babies: 

The Triad is behind my left ear and the bass clef is behind my right ear. I got the Triad because I'm (clearly) obsessed with 30 Seconds to Mars; yes, I did get it there because Shannon Leto has it in the same place. Feel free to judge me. I play the piano and the bass guitar, so I decided to get a bass clef.

I'm absolutely in love with all of my tattoos, but I'm pretty sure the Triad is my favorite 💙

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That's all for now, but I'll definitely try to post more often. Talk to you all again soon :)

Keri <3

My (2nd) Tattoo and FAQs

Hello again!

So, I got another tattoo a few days ago. Unlike the last time, there really isn't a story that goes along with this one. 

If you didn't read my post about my previous tattoo, I'll give you the short version of the story behind that one. A little over a year ago, I was battling suicidal thoughts and pretty severe depression. As a reminder to myself that I can overcome whatever life throws at me (cheesy and cliche, I know...) I got the line "I fell apart, but got back up again" tattooed on my right forearm. It's a lyric from the song "Alibi" by Thirty Seconds to Mars. 

Basically, as soon as my artist finished the first tattoo, I decided I wanted a second one. I wanted to get the MARS glyphs/ logo on my left forearm since I had a lyric from one of their songs on my other arm. I waited a few weeks just to make sure it was something I really wanted. After I got back from London, I went in for some touch-ups on my first and got my second :) I'm officially addicted to getting tattoos (which may or may not be a problem, depending on how you look at it). 

Here's a picture of my newest addition:

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I figured since this was a pretty short post, I would do a little FAQ section just because. A few people have asked me about my tattoos/ tattoos in general, so I figured this may help some of you out (maybe?). 

Does getting a tattoo hurt?

So many people ask me this!! Honestly, I think I have a pretty high pain tolerance. I would be lying if I said I didn't feel any discomfort, but I wouldn't say it's overly painful. Of course it's going to hurt a bit- you're being stabbed with a needle over and over again. The feeling is more annoying than anything- it's burns for the first 10 minutes or so, but you pretty much go numb after that (I did, at least). Everyone has different thresholds for pain.

How much did they cost?

Each of my tattoos cost $60 because that was the shops minimum. They're both pretty simple and didn't take too much time. 

How much time did it take?

My lyrics took about 15 minutes, and my glyphs took a little over 30 minutes. My touch ups took less than 5. 

What do the symbols mean?

The symbols (the logo, glyphs, glyphics, whatever you want to call them), according to the band, say "Thirty Seconds to Mars". There are a few websites that explain each symbol individually; just google "Thirty Seconds to Mars glyphs" if you want to know the full story behind them :)

What is the name of the font you chose?

I believe it's called "Jenna Sue" (I found it on daFont.com). 

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That's all I have for you at the moment. Thanks a ton for reading, and I hope to talk to you all again very soon :)

Keri <3

My Tattoo

Hi guys!

Long time no see/ talk!! I'm sorry I've been MIA for the past few weeks- finals week was pretty stressful and I had to finish up my honors thesis. Now that all of that is out of the way, I should be able to blog more often (if something interesting happens haha). Anyways, on to the point of this post. 

I got a tattoo last Friday! I honestly never thought I would get one simply because it's "unacceptable" (especially around here) for teachers to have visible tattoos. I just decided that I really didn't care anymore- if I have to cover it at school, that's perfectly fine with me. I wanted something that I could see every day.

Ok, there's a bit of a backstory behind the tattoo. I'll try not to go too in depth (sorry, this is probably going to be a long post). Last June, I fell into a pretty deep depression- that led to self-harm and suicidal thoughts. I was in such a dark place, and it just seemed like there was no way to overcome it. I stated going to group therapy once a week after I told my family what had been going on. There wasn't a quick fix to this problem; some days are harder than others. I've been struggling to overcome this for almost a year, and I can honestly say I feel like I'm in a completely different place now. A healthy and safe place. 

Skip ahead to this year. I just recently discovered Thirty Seconds to Mars, and have become completely obsessed with their music. I really don't know why, I just absolutely love the band- their music is incredible and the Jared, Shannon, and Tomo are amazing musicians. I was listening to the "This is War" album in my car one day, and the song "Alibi" came on. It sounds so cliche and cheesy, but I heard the lyrics and started crying. One line, in particular, stood out to me: I fell apart, but got back up again. The way Jared sings it still brings me to tears (I'm talking ugly-crying, guys); there's so much pain in his voice, but by the end of the song, it turns to determination. I can honestly say that no other song has ever had such an impact on me. I knew this song was special the moment I heard it, and it will always hold a special place in my heart. I went through so much pain (emotionally and physically) that I knew I needed this line somewhere where I could see it each and everyday. It's more of a reminder than anything. A reminder that I have overcome so much, and I can continue to get past whatever struggles may come my way in the future. 

My tattoo is on my right forearm. John did such an amazing job, and I'll definitely go back to him for my next tattoo (I'm thinking of getting the MARS logo on my left forearm). 

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You made it to the end of my (super) long post!! Congrats!

Thank you so much for reading :) Hope to talk to all of you again very soon!

Keri<3

Uni VoxBox Unboxing

Hello everyone!

If you've been reading this blog for awhile, you will know that I'm part of the Influenster program. Basically, Influenster sends you complimentary samples and are asked to review them (and it's completely free!). This is the fourth box I've recieved from the company. 

As always, this is just an unboxing post, meaning that I haven't opened or tested any of the products yet. I will do a follow-up post with reviews and swatches within the next month or so :)

Just for reference, here's a little timeline for this box: 

February 10: recieved an email stating that I qualifed for the Uni VoxBox

February 25: recieved an email asking me to pick a makeup shade that would match my skin tone the best

March 25: recieved an email containing the tracking number

March 28: recieved the Uni VoxBox

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DISCLAIMER: I received these products complimentary for testing purposes from Influenster.com. This is not a sponsored post. All opinions are my own. 

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The Box

Broadway Nails imPRESS Press-On Manicure ($5.99 for colors/ $7.99 for patterns)

I recieved this same product in my last VoxBox, but I'm glad they sent me a patterned set this time. This pattern is called "Straight Up" (these are the short length nails). I absolutely love these press-on nails because they're so easy to apply, they last for a full week, and they come in a ton of cute colors and patterns. I can't wait to wear these!

Expert Last Lip Color ($1.99)

NYC claims that this lipstick is moisturizing, silky smooth, had a velvety finish, and wears for up to 6 hours. Hopefully, this lipstick is as good as it seems to be! I love the color, and I can see myself wearing this day or night. It's a great spring color, in my opinion. This color is called "Forever Fuchsia (447)."

Pilot Acroball PureWhite ($4.59 per 3-pack/ $6.24 per 4-pack/ $7.49 per 5-pack)

I don't know if I'm weird or not, but I really like pens. This pen is supposed to be a sort of hybrid between a gel pen and a ballpoint pen; the company says it writes smoothly like a gel pen, but dries quickly like a ballpoint pen. I'm a lefty, so quick-drying ink is a must for me! I like that the pen grips were inspired by the Spring Pantone colors. 

Rimmel London Stay Matte Liquid Mousse Foundation ($4.99-$5.49)

I've been wanting to try this foundation for ages! From what the company says, this foundation is lightweight and keeps skin matte throughout the day. I think this is the lightest shade in the range ("Light Ivory (091)"), and hopefully it'll be a good color match for me :)

Playtex Sport Fresh Balance ($3.99-$4.99)

This is the only product in the box that I probably won't use; I'll probably end up giving these to friend and asking their opinion on them. I don't use tampons, so I don't feel like I'll be able give you guys an honest opinion of this product. 

Red Rose REAL TEA Premium Water Wnhancer ($4.49)

I just recently started drinking tea, so I was excited to see this in my box! I didn't even know a product like this existed. I received this in the flavor "Blackcurrant Raspberry." There are supposed to be 24 servings in this little bottle. 

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Thank you for sticking with me all the way to the end! Again, this was just an unboxing; I will have a review blog up sometime in the next month or so :) Hope to talk to all of you again very soon!

Keri <3